filling the void

work was super frustrating today.

1. i work for a fat dog. and a dog owner who constantly feeds him food scraps. and despite the long talk we had about how the dog needs a diet, he continues to get food scraps, and i continue to be ordered to feed him a lot of food. which, of course, is fine, but then i get asked my opinion about the amount of food, to which my honest reply is, it's too much, he's a fat dog. which, again, is fine. but then i have to sit and listen to justification, how it's not really that much food, how it's ok, don't you think? it's only turkey, it's not fat... etc. which is not fine. it's incredibly frustrating. my opinion isn't going to change. he's fat. you feed him too much. justify it to yourself all you want. but i'm not convinced.

2. my boss forgot to submit the time sheets on time, so there was no money in the pot. and when, instead of apologizing, she suggested that she could pay me half today and half next week, i said, well, i need the money because i'm going away this weekend. and she responds, 'but what about the money you made from before, i mean, you still have that, right?' to which i want to reply, really?? that's so none of your business, i can't even believe you would bring it up. instead, i reply, 'that money's in a savings account, i need it for the future. i never touch old money.' to which i get some comments about how i'm funny...how i forget that i have money, that i don't need Need NEED it this weekend. but, begrudginly, ok, i'll find a way to pay you today, on your payday.

3. legally, the dog is required to wear a leash. i know this, the boss knows this. she trains her helpers to keep the dog off a leash, let him do his thing, and just sort of follow him around when he's walked. i've run into the animal patrol several times. every time they give me shit, stress me out, and threaten to fine me or her. every time i report to marin, and she says some crap about how jake's harmless, and basically should be above the law. not that it's the biggest deal ever, but how frustrating to be put into this situation where i have to risk my own emotional comfort and, even technicnally law-abidingness, in order to do what is asked of me, or in doing what i think is right, directly defy my boss, and face her disappointment and (intentional or not) emotional abuse over the subject.

4. it's effing cold. no, i don't want to walk jake, again. NO. i don't want to. if that's what you're going to ask, then no. i don't want to do it. if you want me to, tell me so. you're my boss. don't ask me if i'll be "ok" in the cold. i know it's not going to kill me. don't ask my opinion how cold it is if you don't actually intend to take it into account. i'm accomodating to you, and you know it, but don't try to guilt me into shit. either tell me to do it, or don't.

how trite, right? but i have such little patience for this sort of shit sometimes. it's so draining to maintain a level of composure when i'm expected to put up with all sorts of shit, and then just hang out and be a friend, also. i'm drained. i'm frustrated. it's effing cold. my skin hurts.

thank god it's the weekend.