filling the void

day 3 of brown rice only. i do not, still, have a distaste for the stuff, although i find that i no longer enjoy it toasted, but rather prefer it to be sticky. and, today, finally, i have found myself not really feeling satisfied. i suppose not surprisingly. brown rice is clearly not enough to sustain a fully functioning, healthy body, and so aside from all the external cues that bring me to crave other foods, my body is probably also starting to notice that things are lacking. today for the first time i can confidently say my poop was made only of brown rice residuals.

but it is not just a craving for other foods that leaves me unsatisfied. i felt some lethargy today, as well. i will say, however, that lethargy is not a thing to which i was immune prior to beginning this diet, and certainly the feelings i had were not out of line with ones i might have under normal circumstances. but i did feel a vague sense of confusion, as far as hunger is concerned. maybe because i was bored, and didn't have anything i really wanted to be doing, which time i would normally devote to food (either cooking or eating). i was unable to tell if i was feeling hunger, boredom, or general fatigue. tho when i walked to the store to buy some drano i found my energy level picked up rapidly and i was glad to have made use of my body.

i look forward, greatly, to being able to eat a raw carrot on tuesday night. i look forward to adding more foods, and choosing which ones get added. i look forward (very far forward) to a time when i have to think hard to find a new food to add, and maybe forcing myself to continue this long into the future, when it will be a requirment not to restrict my diet, but to expand it.

i am finding this is a helpful motivator to remove (or at least identify) external motivtors to eat, such as standing in line at the drug store and not buying candy, or watching a movie and not snacking on something. the associations are very strong, and it is a forced effort to not give in. but something i am proud to be doing to myself.

i think it is a worthwhile endeavor to continue this pattern somewhat indefinately, only adding whole foods, and only eating processed foods that i have processed myself (with obvious exceptions of when i visit friends or family, and when i eat out to entertain friends or family). it sounds incredibly difficult, because i know how delicious most processed foods actually are, but at the same time feels like the obvious right thing to do.