going crazy

i'm so bothered by the finite nature of life...and everything it contains. i spend so much time focused on the finitude of the things that i do, how without continuity all things are meaningless. i've said it so many times it makes me want to vomit to say it again.

it's not that i believe that nothing is infinite. i belive it's possible that matter or energy could be infinite. i have no evidence to the contrary. and there is somehow an organization to the energy that is within me. and perhaps this energy, the aliveness of being alive, as opposed to the consciousness of being alive, even within a person who certainly will die and is not infinite herself, perhaps this energy is infinite. the problem remains, that i do not associate with this infinite nature. i know through my consciousness, i experience through my senses. but these things are not the livingness of being alive. they are the finite ways our beings are able to experience life.

soo. how do we go about connecting to the livingness of life? how can i associate with my infinite nature? (i heart huckabees, anyone?)

maybe i'll figure that out. and when i do, surely i will have conquered death. or is that when i can stand on my head for three hours? oh i'm so confused.

i think i'm gonna go do some yoga. heading south tomorrow.