phase 3 revisited

i'm not so niave. i mean, i understand that a lot of people in my life hear (or read, as the case may be) my words/plans and think i'm going through a phase. a frivolous, youthful, selfish, idealistic phase.

i recognize it's probably true.

but i'm enjoying it. so there.

you see, the more i disconnect from the idea that stuff and things bring me happiness, the more i want to disconnect from the stuff and the things. and really the deeper this desire to disconnect gets, the more overarching it becomes. what is there in my life that doesn't fall into this category? (with a little coaxing) only the necessary elements. only survival. now, granted, a tough life based on scraping by and meeting only my survival needs, that probably won't make me happy. it sounds a bit grueling and not so much like awesome. but certainly a huge amount of paring down can be done before i reach that level.

i mean, is it crazy to ask the question, how long can i survive when my only expense is my phone bill? (please don't ask me about the hypocrisy of maintaining a mobile phone line while paring down my reliance on the man...i know it. this is my reality). ok, so the answer is yes, it is crazy. but does that make it something i shouldn't do? or at least, does that make it a question i shouldn't ask?? i'm not convinced.

this is where you get to shake your head and say, 'she's going through a phase, it'll pass.'

and this is also where i look back at myself 10 years from now and say, 'man, i was crazy when i was younger, huh?'

but i'm ok with that. at least i have enough perspective to realize that's probably the case. i mean, what i'm running with here is a lot more idealism than the kind that doug and i used to search for in our 'find old people who haven't lost their idealism' game (inspired by non other than the [perceived sellout] artist formerly known as cat stevens). i figure, if i start out really extreme, by the time i get old and lose most of my crazy(which i still assume happens to all funtional people as they get old), i'll probably end up at a place that's still crazy enough that it is recognizable as idealism. and hopefully functional enough that i haven't accidentally starved myself to death or gotten locked in jail. not that i'm contemplating anything illegal... i think.

anyway just wanted to be clear. i realize i'm crazy. i accept it as a phase. these things don't make me want to change my mind.