delicious suffering

we talk about life being suffering a lot around here.

i've made it well clear that i don't believe in god, afterlife, or higher purpose. these things are empty to me, they are unreal. and of course this is the crux of the existential godless existence. so i'm not going to reiterate too much, it's kind of boring. i know these thought patterns. i've heard that tape before.

but about suffering. here's how i understand it: life is full of pleasures. there are things that feel good (appeal to our senses), or make us happy, or create pseudo meaning in our meaningless existences. food, comforts, love, sex, and relationships, altruism, intellectualism, etc.

where does suffering come in? i see it as two fold. 1. we suffer when we want and cannot have, or when we lose. and 2. we suffer because these things ultimately leave us unfufilled (maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of your life). if you think they don't leave you unfufilled, think about eating something delicious and the being content to only ever eat flavorless gruel for the rest of your life. would that one delicious thing have fufilled you? ok, so that's a silly example. what about your life partner? you know they're going to hurt you sometimes, and disappoint you others. and sure, they make you happy a lot, but they're going to die. and so are you. does that feel fufilling?

marin often will say, 'the bigger the front, the bigger the back.' i think it's fair to say, there is at least an equal amount of suffering for the pleasures in all things. and in the end, you die, and it doesn't matter.

so suffering wins. suffering trumps pleasure.

i'd be willing to claim that this is a thought on the backburner, if it even makes burner status at all, for most people, most of the time. but move it up to priority burner levels, and you are in for TROUBLE. tell me how awesome that delicious food tastes now that you're THINKING about how it's not going to satisfy you. does it taste like emptiness? yeah, i thought maybe it did. it probably tastes like meaningless life. most things do.

it's bedtime, but more to follow...